I just want to be Average

1. Rose was being taught in a sub par educational system. He judged his societal significance based on his level in the educational system. Therefor he thought of himself as a lackluster member of society, not looking for greatness, not enthused about the thought of a future or lack thereof. It’s apparent when Mr.MacFarland takes an interest in Rose’s intellectual capabilities, Rose internalizes the praise. You can almost feel his rapidly expanding enthusiasm and excitement for literature, run parallel to his respect for himself.
2. I can’t find the word “cues” anywhere in the text. But I’m assuming he’s talking about social cues or maybe an academic version of that....academic cues? Cues are signals that are given during a social, or academic interaction in this case which can communicate an expected action. This affected Rose because the cues that were given to him led him to believe that he was expected to achieve a minimum amount. He internalized these cues which negatively impacted his motivation. He saw himslef as less because he was expected to be less, thus causing him to achieve less than his potential.

Response to the Memoir

1. Writing this memoir was very useful for me. It helped me process some things from my past and see them more clearly. I also feel that a grew as a writer while writing this paper. I learned to be a more thoughtful and introspective writer and communicator.
2. I think the second part of my memoir is the best part. I like the language and voice that I used to construct the second part. It took a lot of hard thinking and I am proud of that.
3. I need to rework the first part of the paper. I might even need to take it out completely. I need to think about the piece as a whole, how it flows and how it sounds to the reader. I think I was too busy worrying about keeping certain things for personal reasons but that might not be the best idea from the eyes of a reader.
4. I loved the mixed media piece, it was a catalyst for my creative process. I didn’t start actually writing until I started painting. I basically ended up writing about the painting, so it played a role in my writing process. Once I started painting, I really started thinking and asking questions and that is when the real writing started coming out of me effortlessly.

A Boy's Life

I think one of the main issues here is whether or not being transgender is biologically or socially constructed. Scientists argue that there is a chemical imbalance in the brain, which some believe to be reservable, but others believe should be accepted and embraced. The idea that the “disorder” comes from “family noise” is interesting butt4 I disagree with it. I feel that if they surveyed the amount of families as they did, they were bound to find some families with similar issues. A disorder by definition is an “ailment that affects the function of mind or body.” I interpret a disorder as something which is abnormal and caused problems. There is no denying that being transgender is abnormal, or that it causes issues. However I feel that the term “disorder has a negative connotation and a certain stigma attached to it which is why people reject this term.

I support Tina’s decision to allow Brenden to live as a girl. The text shows that he is happiest when he is a girl, and being happy is what is most important. I think that they should always be open to the fact that he might grow out of it, either completely or partially, however I do not think they should force that on him. It is hard because he is then loosing support from some people around him, however the most important people are his immediate family and he should not have to pretend to be something he is not according to people like his aunt who is clearly a bitch anyway. Rosen doesn’t express any formed opinion of it, but she seems to open to learning more about the issue. I like that she was really able to look at different sides of the issue and explore opposing views.

I think that being transgender is something which happens biologically and then it can be intensified or lessened but not taken away according to social environment. The science proves that a transgender’s brain is more similar to a woman’s brain then a man’s. However if you look at the cases where people go to therapy and change their ways, it shows that the disorder can be altered. But it cannot be taken away and I believe that people should be allowed to express themselves completely because it would be agaonizing to be actin differently than ho you truly feel. It almost feels like Zucker the therapist brainwashed the kids into feeling like their normal sex, but they still had the underlying gender confusion which caused the children much pain.

Gender

This essay made me wonder how we relate masculinity to men, and how much of it we look for in them. From my own personal experience, I know that a very masculine man is not usually attractive to a girl when she is looking for a relationship. I think the author of this piece was very clear in defining masculinity, but was pushed the label of masculine too harshly onto the male gender. The author is a transexual, and it seems as though he has a negative feeling toward these roles. He uses words like discriminate to give gender roles a negative connotation.

It is fascinating how he thinks that understanding your gender role is a prerequisite for becoming a full member of society. I would agree with that. I enjoyed reading about the different ages and how you understand gender differently at certain stages while you are a child. Since most researches see these gender roles as being binary and permanent, it would be interesting to see society if this was not the case.

The author describes gender roles as an important part of developing a concept of themselves as individuals. He goes on to explain that the tension created by the personal I and the social me is the creature known as the self. Gender plays a huge role in identifying these two part, whether you fit your gender mold or not.3 I realized that gender is something that we don’t generally think of when we are trying to define ourselves because it is such a given we just pass right over it. Gender is a huge part of our identity, even if our brains are wiped out we still have our gender.

My favorite part of the essay was learning about the different attributes of masculinity and femininity. Although I do not agree that these attributes are always true, I would agree that they are part of our primal instincts. The author describes masculinity as being characterized by dominance and aggression, and femininity as being passive and submissive. It seems insulting to be placed into that catagorie because of my gender, but the author did not say how feminine women generally are. I feel like people are watered down versions of these concentrated ideas. Although it bothers me to read some of the parts about women, I think about it and realize that they are general truths. For example when he write about “the social position of females is biologically mandated to be intertwined with the care of children and a natural dependency on men for the maintenance of mother child-units”. I don’t like how he is saying that women have a natural dependency on men, however his evidence, and my experience with it proves it to be true.

Response to question 8

My body has always been very average. Before high school, I liked sports a lot. I would dress comfortably and wear my sweatpants and casual clothes. My body was a tool that I used to succeed in athletics, whether it be soccer track or lacrosse. I ran a lot and worked out to make my body strong. Being good at sports was very important to me, it was a large part of my identity, and I needed my body to be strong. I didn’t care that I had strong looking legs and muscular arms opposed to small and skinny. When I got to high school though, I became more self conscious about my image, but at the same time, athletics were getting more intense than ever. A close friend of mine was struggling with an eating disorder, which made me think critically about my body for the first time, and really question how big of an impact my physical appearance had on how people saw me. I realized that all my friends were basically the same size as me, and a lot of them looked like me. It made me question if I had a completely different appearance but the same personality, who I would be friends with.

When I first started dating, I tried to loose weight and make myself look prettier. I realized though that I could not loose weight unless I stopped working out because I was all muscle. I also hated wearing makeup and getting dressed up for school everyday so that shit ended quickly. This didn’t change my relationships at all which made me more confident in my personality because I didn’t have to look perfect for people to like me. I have watched my friends and roomates struggle for hours over their hair, which made me realize that I am fortunate to have straight blonde hair. Having an average look like I do, it has made my body image not very important to me because I rarely have to worry about it.

Response to question 8

My body has always been very average. Growing up, I liked sports a lot. I would dress comfortably and wear my sweatpants and casual clothes. My body was a tool that I used to succeed in athletics, whether it be soccer track or lacrosse. I ran a lot and worked out to make my body strong. Being good at sports was very important to me, it was a large part of my identity, and I needed my body to be strong. I didn’t care that I had strong looking legs and muscular arms opposed to small and skinny. When I got to high school though, I became more self conscious about my image, but at the same time, athletics were getting more intense than ever. A close friend of mine was struggling with an eating disorder, which made me think critically about my body for the first time, and really question how big of an impact my physical appearance had on how people saw me. I realized that all my friends were basically the same size as me, and a lot of them looked like me. It made me question if I had a completely different appearance but the same personality, who I would be friends with.

When I first started dating, I tried to loose weight and make myself look prettier. I realized though that I could not loose weight unless I stopped working out because I was all muscle. I also hated wearing makeup and getting dressed up for school everyday so that shit ended quickly. This didn’t change my relationships at all which made me more confident in my personality because I didn’t have to look perfect for people to like me. I have watched my friends and roomates struggle for hours over their hair, which made me realize that I am fortunate to have straight blonde hair. Having an average look like I do, it has made my body image not very important to me because I rarely have to worry about it.

walking the dog down memory lane...

The first time I took a car ride alone with my step dad.

I had my first soccer practice at the same time ren had a doctors or dentist appointment. Mom wanted to go with ren because it was his first appointment and she had to get everything set up, Before we left she seemed stressed out and on edge. We hadnt finished unpacking all our things yet, and there were bits of evidence all around. My mom kept going through boxes, and bags looking for something, I don’t know what. My brother and I sat under the dining room table playing beanie babies, I had my shingaurds on ready to go. My shingaurds were red and white and shiny. I would hit them hard with my fist to show ren how strong they were. He asked if he could kick me in the shin to see if it would hurt. I let him kick my shin, and it hurt but I pretended it didn’t. As we played with our toys, I kept ooking up at mom to make sure she was okay. Tony was leaning against the counter watching her, smiling. He kept saying things he thought were funny and telling her to just calm down. She would look up at him and half smile before returning to her hunt. In my head, I think of her plunging her hand in and out of boxes, as her head rolls around 360 degrees and she mutters bad french words to herself. Its like a repetative loop thats never ending, like a scratched record. i don’t know whay I remember it that way, her head was securly fastened.

I was going to be late for soccer so Tony took me before mom found whatever she was looking for, I still dont know what it was. As we were walking at the door I said

“Tony, regardez!” He looked down as I banged my fist against my shingaurd.

“very good” he said and we went to the car.

Tony had npr on the radio and I didn’t like it. I asked if I could change it and he said no. I didn’t like the lady’s voice on the radio, it sounde like someone who had risen from the dead and then voiced her political opinion on public radio. I saw a building with a gold dome, it was so beautiful. Tony said it was harvard business school. I couldnt believe we lived so close to harvard, I had heard of it before, it was the smartest american school. I looked at the people on the street and I thought about how smart they must be. I asked a lot of questions and I asked them as they came, I was speaking in frenglish becasue that was how I spoke to mom and it was hard not to. Tony would make me re-ask every question in only english. But then he got tired of my questions so he turned up the radio. The dead sounding woman’s voice filled the car and I didnt want to look out the window anymore. I missed my dad alot then. I felt like he would be looking out the window too asking me more questions than I asked him. I felt like Tony didnt want me in his car, he face told me that. I really missed my dad, but at least Tony didn’t smell like cigarettes and malt liquor. I kind of missed that smell though. Tony smelled like new car and cologne, it was gross and made me feel gross. I felt gross like that a lot during that time.

I asked Tony to stay and watch because I wanted him to see how good I was, but he said he couldnt. He just didnt want to, he wanted to drop me off there and forget about me. I felt like saying “I don’t want this either jerk face. Lets just go home.” But we were both playing by the rules, fuck that.

Soccer was fun though. I was the new kid, but I was good at soccer and it felt good to be active. There were a lot of girls there, I felt anonymous which I really liked.