My body has always been very average. Growing up, I liked sports a lot. I would dress comfortably and wear my sweatpants and casual clothes. My body was a tool that I used to succeed in athletics, whether it be soccer track or lacrosse. I ran a lot and worked out to make my body strong. Being good at sports was very important to me, it was a large part of my identity, and I needed my body to be strong. I didn’t care that I had strong looking legs and muscular arms opposed to small and skinny. When I got to high school though, I became more self conscious about my image, but at the same time, athletics were getting more intense than ever. A close friend of mine was struggling with an eating disorder, which made me think critically about my body for the first time, and really question how big of an impact my physical appearance had on how people saw me. I realized that all my friends were basically the same size as me, and a lot of them looked like me. It made me question if I had a completely different appearance but the same personality, who I would be friends with.
When I first started dating, I tried to loose weight and make myself look prettier. I realized though that I could not loose weight unless I stopped working out because I was all muscle. I also hated wearing makeup and getting dressed up for school everyday so that shit ended quickly. This didn’t change my relationships at all which made me more confident in my personality because I didn’t have to look perfect for people to like me. I have watched my friends and roomates struggle for hours over their hair, which made me realize that I am fortunate to have straight blonde hair. Having an average look like I do, it has made my body image not very important to me because I rarely have to worry about it.
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