Brother:
When I am around my brother, I am very much myself. He knows the best and worst of me because I act more natural around him than anyone else. My brother and I have always been very comfortable which each other which allows us to not have any guards up, and put forth our genuine selfs. Having him around my whole life has allowed me and almost forced me to be genuine and not act in ways which are not honest representations of who I really am. Except at home, we were usually pretty fake at home.
Dad:
When I was younger, I was heavily influenced by my dad, and the culture I was growing up in. My dad is an artist, and he was always talking about his ideas. This made me really comfortable with the idea of being an artist and it made me want to have ideas too. He called himself “un penseur” which means a thinker. He made me want to be a thinker too. Even after I moved away from my dad, I always wanted to be an artist and a thinker just like him. It felt natural to me anyway. Now when I talk to my dad, all we talk about is art because its all we really know about each other, but thats ok because its not fake. Being an artist is a huge part of my identity, and I attribute that to my dad.
Mom:
My mom doesn’t expect much from me academically and she never has. When I was growing up, it was really hard for me to read, so she thought I was slow, and she never expected me to be more than that. Its crazy how easy it is to underachieve when that is what is expected of you. Sometimes I wouldn’t achieve more than what was expected of me because I thought it would come off as fake. This had a negative impact on my identity because I spent a solid 18 years of my life thinking I was stupid, which is stupid. When my mom got remarried, she married a professor which was a big change from my dad. At that point, I was not great at english, and I thought I was stupid. I never said much around my stepdad because I didn't want to embarrass myself or make my mom look bad. This was good and bad because it forced me to figure out who I was and create my own identity separate from what my family expected of me, but it also sucked having to be quite and boring when I was at home.
Brontë, I know so much about you, so i know your family situation. I see more of your dad than your mom in you. I don't know your brother but i just picture a crazier male version of you! I have one question for you... I am your husband why am I not included in your family???
ReplyDeleteLOL-comment, Keeton.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I was interested in the comment you made regarding you and your father's topics of conversation, i.e. "...all we talk about is art because it's all we really know about each other" Sometimes those sort of common interests can come to dictate and define relationships...sounds like that's happening here.
Regarding your mom: I was interested in the comment you made about underachieving being "easy"--indeed it's a convenient fallback when that's all that's expected of you. Might want to explore the artist+dad thing in the identity paper.